Marriage & Family---Post 1000

I love my wife.  I love my marriage.  I love working, nurturing & fighting to keep it all healthy and in a Jesus honoring place!

This past weekend was so fun doing all of those things.

Friday I took Kim out for a surprise breakfast on the beach.  The place has a gorgeous view and the food is really decent too!  

After breakfast we picked up our packets for our COLOR RUN the next day and then I took her shopping to get her something she's been wanting for a long time.  
The whole day was full of talking, sharing, dreaming, flirting and following up on some deeper conversations that have been ongoing for a few months now.  It was enriching & ver fulfilling for me as I had my wife's undivided attention and we were able to talk intently about a lot of things that were critical for us.

Saturday we woke everyone up early and participated in a 5k Color Run, http://thecolorrun.com.  This event was so enjoyable for all of us.  It was something Kim really wanted to do the year before but we missed the registration deadline.  Our boys enjoyed it, I enjoyed and my wife was smiling the whole time!

I've realized something about myself and marriage, perspective is everything and agenda's are destructive.  If I have an agenda about something in my marriage than it is ME centered.  When things are ME centered I'm coming from a selfish angle.  But when my perspective is on caring for Kim and the boys I found myself more relaxed, less impatient and trying to serve them so they feel cared for.  

If you are a husband serve your wife by dying daily to your own ego & pride.  If you are a father help model for your sons what it means to be able to lead a family with humility & service.  If you have daughters help them see the type of man that allows a woman to thrive and live with freedom to be herself.

"Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."

Shall we Dance or Cower?

From the inner workings of my cranium:

Life has a rhythm. 
It has a beat to it that can either sooth you, energize you or grate against your nerves. 
The rhythm we hear can move us to dance or shadow us to cower.  I don't believe that cowering does much to those who observe us.

But when we dance do we dance for perfection or out of passion?  If we dance to perfect & hear applause don't we miss why our hearts move us to dance?  Are we not moved to dance because something inside of us is compelled to do something?  Are we not moved to dance because we are so enveloped into the rhythm that it feels like it is a part of us?

John 10:14

I am moved, compelled and engulfed in the rhythm of the call of Jesus.  The flow, even when I don't know how long the song will last or even if I like this song...i cannot get away from it.  I want more of it.  Sometimes out of curiosity and sometimes out of pure obsession.

Naked Truth Series

Every year there are three series I absolutely am thrilled to teach to high school students; Identity series about who they are in Christ and the masks we wear,  Redemptive work of the grace of the Gospel, and a series on relationships and sex.  Each year these three series bring out so many conversations that seem to be huge fruit opportunities for our youth leaders.

The past three weeks our high school ministry has been walking through our series on relationships.  We called it the NAKED TRUTH.  Each week we "uncovered" a reality about relationships.

Week 1--The reality that our relationship with Christ will guide any & every relationship we have.  If we can't step into a healthy & authentic pursuit of Jesus as our first love any relationship we have will never be able to fill us or complete us.
2 Corinthians 5:14-17 & Colossians 2:6-8 were our foundation for the evening.  This was a foundation move because the rest of the series had to reflect back to this reality.

Week 2--The reality that Romance & Chivalry are not dead...just lost.  This night we focussed on our romance & Chivalry needs to be a part of our lives and not just when we date.  But how we communicate to the opposite gender, how we treat them, think of them, notice them & protect them.  We encouraged & challenged students to not just think of themselves but live out their faith [Philippians 2:4] and how to embrace Romance & Chivalry that we see reflected in the Song of Solomon story.  We challenged the guys to be MEN & not BOYS and also for girls to set the standards they'd really want in the guy of their dreams.

We used this video in the evening as an opener and it had a great response to it



Week 3--The Reality of Emotional & Physical Consequences
We talked about the
Emotional Consequences that Hurt,
The Physical consequences that hurt,
The Emotional Consequences that are healthy
The Physical Consequences that are healthy.

This night was summed up into two key words, Boundaries & Self-Control.  Song of Solomon 2:15 & Proverbs 5:18-19 were key verses and we referred to Ephesians 4.  A highlight was reflecting to the students the length of the marriages represented in the room by our mentors.  The shortest active marriage, mine, was 13 years and the longest active marriage is 25 years.  Students actually celebrated that moment when we used it as an illustration.

This video was used & again it had a great response



This series created many conversations and "I've never thought of that before".  And to be honest that is often the goal I have, to create as many "I've never thought of that before" moments as possible.  But in those moments to ask them to reflect on What Jesus has to say about the topic of discussion.

I also have a goal, to share as many illustrations from my own life and marriage that reflect healthy and pursuing Jesus.  I am too often reminded that our student ministry may be the only reflection many students will have in this topic & reality in life.

Church Community

I was reading Colossians Chapter 3 today and this thought came to me

If we only went to church with people we liked or got a long with it wouldn't be a church, it'd be a clique.  The body of Christ is diverse and not clean cut.  It is a place where transformation, restoration & reconciliation are taking place daily.  We are not to stand in judgement of those we share rows or pews with but our focus is to be on the Gospel of Jesus and allowing Grace, Truth & Freedom to thrive.  The guiding of Holy Spirit is the only way healthy leadership can keep churches from turning inward from the world as well as inward toward the flesh.

The Journey not the destination

I've been thinking lately about the unique opportunities each of us has every day to interact with people.  But many of us will NOT take the opportunity to engage in a discussion or step out of a comfort zone because we are either too busy or it's a challenge to do so.  I've been in several conversations with former & current students who are having to make choices that are going to change the trajectory of their life.  Hearing their heart, hearing their anguish, hearing their excitement, their nervousness, their hope i've couldn't help but keep two things in perspective.

1--Being fully present to give them someone to talk with, cry with & pray with has allowed me to have a voice in their life to help them see what direction Jesus may be directing them.

2- Is this poem

  

Robert Frost (1874–1963).  The Road Not Taken 1920

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

A Rap

I told my small group of dudes I wrote a rap once.  In 2006 I was at a leadership summit with two key students and we were board so they bet me I couldn't write one.  
They lost & I enjoyed a Denny's Dinner cause they paid for it.
So from 2006, here it is;

We might be the left coast, but it is the best coast.
Right Coast. East Coast, ya'll don't know.
Surf, Sand, Sun each side rises & falls
But Diesel (Shaq played in Miami at the time) & Wade can ill in South Beach
Lighting & Bucs can win the Titles but
LA, NewPort, Diego ya'll can't match with our Sand, Sun & Fun--we just won!

Coast & Surf, Hunnies & Hotties, Players NOT fakers we roll like that.
Miami, na just kids play. Orlando--NOPE!!
Oh No
HB, Long Beach, Malibu...Big Kids World.

Choppers & PCH enjoy life you know you can't wait
to experience the Best Coast
YES THE WEST COAST.

P, Puff & Slim
Kid & Kobe get cut.
Mansions, $$, cars we all playing like Czars

Running Circles in Daytona you gotta feel like a bunch of loners.
Staples Center is where they hang, champs NOT chumps.

These words may not travel the miles of Shore
Across the Nation but we come to rest where God plays in the Pacific!

Atlantic--more like accident.
Waves of 3 get stuck by 8 rollers.

Don't be a hater just move, convert, get saved. Open your eyes to the world of Love & Fun.

WEST COAST!

A Poem

For our guys small group our MANCARD challenge this past week was to write a poem.  Here is what I wrote and shared with my guys tonight

On distant shores where broken oars are scattered from pillage & plight;
I buried my beloved soul.
With sweat & beads of blood my life was broken by a devastating blow.
I cringed, crawled and cowherd as the sand fell away from time;
Then I heard the voice of heavens grace through the sound of pounding waves;
Being told that my beloved soul could become wholly thine.
It was then that peace called me back to life.

Marriage, Vows & Life

I want to let you know about my marriage. No this isn't a vent on my wife. But it is an honest revelation many of you don't know about.

This summer Kim and I have been married 13 years & we have been around each other for almost 17 years.  For almost 1/2 my life my wife has been a part of it in some way or another. For years I have watched Kim endure something that isn't fair for her.

She suffers from Migraines. Not just your 'really bad headache' but a debilitating type migraine. Where her life shuts down when she gets a migraine. She vomits, she convulses, she feels pain from sound & light. She can't move, she is exhausted and she misses out on everything for days at a time.

I knew about these before we were married. That is a good thing, because if i didn't know about these migraines I don't know how I could care about the marriage. I know that is a loaded statement. I know that is a statement where you may have just judged me. When she gets one of these migraines I become everything. Mom, dad, cook, cleaner, homework guru, taxi cab, etc, etc. You may think, "yeah so?". When she is down for 3-4 days at a time AND I have to complete my job AND take care of her...it becomes very taxing. Try having that happen 1, 2 or even 3 times a month. Take 13 days of your month and be a single parent with a sick spouse in bed and tell me what it does to your stress and sanity level.

I grew up with a single parent, my mom modeled well what it takes to try to effectively live life while managing everything alone.  I believe part of my story growing up that way was preparing me to be the husband I am.

I am glad i knew about Kim's migraines before we were married because it helped make "I DO" a real statement for me. When i was thinking about my vows before our wedding day the part of "in sickness and in health" was a real vow that had to be more than just words for me to say. When kim gets a migraine for me its like saying "I DO" all over again.

Since having our boys it has become a team effort. It has been me helping the boys understand what 'taking care of mom' really means. I pray that my boys see their dad taking care of their mother in a way that challenges them to care for their spouse with compassion and selflessness when they get married.

Often people ask me if I wish Kim didn't get migraines. For Kim's sake of not being in pain & dealing with what she deals with I say Yes. I desperately wish she didn't have to miss out on life the way shes does. However, when she gets a migraine i get to say "I DO" all over again. I am forced to pause my agenda and do a circus juggling act on life. I get to care for my wife so she knows that she is loved and cherished and isn't alone.

I love my wife dearly. Nothing will change that. Nothing could make me stop caring for her as often as I need to as it relates to her migraines or any other sickness. I do long for the day when she doesn’t have to endure these anymore and hope that somehow, someway a medication can relieve her pain. But until then I am just going to keep saying, “I DO” and modeling for my boys what it means to be a selfless spouse.
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