Some Wrestlings

Here are my journal notes over the last 3 days:

I have often wondered at why life can be such a teeter-totter feeling. There are days where it seems to occur to me that what I have experienced has been a ‘routine’ or part of the normal occurrence of my days. But is there such a thing as ‘normal’? I have begun to desire to not associate myself with that word because I don’t believe anyone can give a proper definition or explanation to what normal really is. I have the beginning of a conviction that there has never been a normal day in all the time humanity has walked the face of this planet or in the presence if its Creator. We actually kid ourselves into believing that normal is out there and we need to find it so we can live calm, relaxed and non-pressured lives!

I can’t kid myself anymore nor do I want to. There is no normal. There is nothing normal about humanity. It is awkward, comical, dysfunctional, redundant, painful, joyful, unloving, compassionate graceful, hate filled compelled by compassion and so much more.
I think we see life through a funnel. Like the small red one you keep in the garage to occasionally pour a little oil into the engine of your car with. That small little spout at the end that is the widescreen version we see life through. We only like seeing what we want to see. We can look at people in pain and go ‘sucks for them’. We can see a co-worker acting in an unethical way and we shrug it off as ‘it’s their problem’. We go home and see eyes of children filled with questions & desires of ‘Is my mom/dad going to give me attention tonight?’ and we care more about our own long day than theirs. We get into this wrestle between business or willingness. Business is about the only normal some people know.

I often wonder went through the minds of the disciples of Jesus after they saw miracles heard his teachings and even saw him upon the cross. Did they believe in a ‘normal’ status of life?
When GOD looks at us does he desire us to quit living in the ‘normal’ we want and pursue His normal? The normal where the Kingdom of Heaven is always being pursued, the Gospel of Christ is being shared as well as our lives are being shared with everyone around us?

I long to live where EVERY DAY I wake up putting God’s normal first over any inclination of my own standard of normal. I venture to say that when I quit squirming in the mire of depravity and desire righteousness that is when I will be very satisfied with my ‘normal’ life.