Four Hard Questions to Ask Yourself

It's a New Year with new opportunities.  New opportunities that we create and new opportunities that will come our way.  But with those opportunities come challenges, hurdles, conversations & change that has to be navigated.
I have a list of questions (about 30) that I look at often throughout the course of a year to help me process life, spirituality, marriage, parenting & leadership.  Here are four that I tend to always ask myself.

1--Why Am I Doing What I am Doing?
What is my motivation for doing what I am doing as a husband, father & leader?

2--When I say "Yes" to a New Opportunity, What am I saying "No" to that I am Already Doing?
I cannot do all things at all times.  I have to create boundaries in my life so I do not over commitment and underperform.

3--What Impact Does This Have on the Health of my Entire Life?
My soul, my healthy, my family, my relationships and my own sanity can all be impacted by things I make commitments to.  Can I keep life healthy for everyone if a new opportunity comes along?  

4--What Blind Spots do I Have Going On?
There is no such thing as a perfect leader and all aspects of my life are open to imperfections.  Where do I need to give more energy to make sure a blind spot doesn't turn into a harmful or destructive aspect of my life?

5 Hours in a Deer Stand

Wednesday I got an invite to go with some friends deer hunting & man I couldn't wait.  It's been a 7 years since I've gotten a chance to go deer hunting and I was anxious like a kid on Christmas Eve at this opportunity.

One of our adult mentors in our student ministry his family owns land that has been worked to be VERY viable habitat for conservation.  They've plotted their stands intentionally and to be honest put in a GREAT spot!  The weather was a solid 28 degrees with 15mph winds out of the south.

We hiked in at 5am, got set into our stands by 545-6am and did what all hunters do...waited. Now I did go through my mental checklist to be sure I had everything in place for that 1 moment of action, but while waiting I did the easiest thing I could think of doing, praying.

For 5 hours I was uninterrupted, alone, focussed & had nothing else to do that would distract me.  I prayed for my wife, kids, ministry I'm leading, extended family, myself, my boss, my new co-workers, my sons' future wives, my friends on the other end of the farm hunting that day....I can't tell you how refreshing that was.  I even asked myself, "When was the last time I put myself in a position to be that focussed and have that much opportunity to just sit & pray with Jesus?"
Answer: it's been a while.

Ministry Leaders, lets face it.  We skimp to often on the necessities.  We skimp on the intentional focussed times of prayer, reading & mediation.  Leaders like action & results and all of those things are not results based activities.  They are character shaping moments.  They all compile into long term transformation but not immediate results.
Those 5 hours in that deer stand felt very fluid & am quite surprised it really even was that long.  I'm almost tempted to go sit in that stand again just to be able to pray with interruptions!

As far as hunting went, I did see one doe about 640 in the morning but wanted to sit on a buck.  I didn't see another deer until I was walking back to my truck and I spooked the buck before I could get a shot off.  I guess it'll be one more year before I get my deer.

 

How to Help Your Kids Through a Crisis

Experiencing a house fire as a family created a moment in life where we collectively have encountered a crisis.  Kim and I have been wanting to accurately, intentionally & loving help our kids process through this family experience but also not push them.

Here are a few things we've done to help our kids:

How Are You?
Daily since the fire we've asked two questions that are "How Are You?" & "What Are You Thinking?".  This allows us to just get a surface read on both the boys.  Now these questions have been asked while driving to football camp, during lunch, walking the dog and hanging out before bed.
We've tried to daily check in with the boys as well as share with them how we are doing? I want them to hear that mom and dad are processing as well and we need each other to support one other through this event.

Conversation, Conversation, Conversation.

We have not shied away from conversation, in fact I feel we've stepped up some of our conversations.  I want to create as much family chatting, laughter and consistent family time in the midst of all of this.  Some of these conversations are as normal as we've always been but some are intentional to just bring our family together.  Kim's done a great job of this especially during meals or a family game at the end of a long day.

Key Words

We took the boys out to breakfast last week and we went around the table summing the fire experience up in a key word for each of us.  Our words were;

Cody--Chaos, Cole--Sad, Kim--Chaotic, Danny--Uncertain

The rest of the breakfast was us sharing about our words, our feelings and how all of our words we've all experienced and it helps us all have a common experience.  It was encouraging for each of us to share our word and hearing everyone else share how have felt that emotion as well.  I think this was a huge help for both of our boys as we affirmed their feelings as well as allowing them into what we've been feeling.

Tears Are Ok

We have not shamed or made our boys feel bad for tears they emote.  We've allowed them to see us cry and be emotional as well.  We've never said "grow up, suck it up or man up" in the midst of this experience. Tears help us process.  Tears help us feel alive.  Tears also bond and right now family bonding is crucial.

Prayer

As a family our praying together and individually has increased in the midst of this life experience. I've tried to be very conscious of modeling for my boys the words as well as my heart of really living out saying, 

"God you are God and we are not and we want to trust you in the midst of anything we go through."

If we do not depend on the power of God with any and every situation then we are going to be trying to do it on our own and that is not the model I want for my sons.

Scroll Of Humanity

The scroll of the History of Humanity is unrolled and written with mystery, love, romance, scorn, pain, evil, redemption, legacies, birth & death as it is all woven into one inked line of universal truth—PEOPLE EXIST TO LIVE!

Humanity is special, unique, divinely made, worthy, fragile, emotive, scared, timid, bold & beautiful.  It is full of wonders based on ingenuity, creativity & worship.  We don not just want to be robotic repetitions of rhyme but we, people, humans, are individuals that believe in creating something.  

Something that moves.  Something that gives freedom. Something that helps us feel a part of a bigger story.

Over the course of history those small created somethings turn into culture shifting somethings.

From medicine to industry, textiles to legalities,education to sport, culinary and cultural.

Humanity is more than just social pockets of people diversely sprinkled over thousands of square miles of earth.

Humanity is Human and to be Human is to be Beautiful.

Beauty draws what is around it to lean in closer.  

To hold our breath, listen intently and observe closely.  

We do not want to miss anything that could stir in our hearts an awakening to continue to pull and push us towards living life fully.

I am thankful to be a word etched in this lineage of human history.  I am grateful for the opportunity to be able to add & create something to allow others to live and embrace life

Wake Up, Look Up & Live

This is done with excellence, brilliance and a ton of life truth. The gentleman's name is Gary Turk

Walk by Faith?

In the midst of our move from California to Missouri I've been reflecting on the entirety surrounding the story we've been living out. A great deal of prayer has gone into the past two years of our families lives and at times when we've wanted answers there hasn't been.  At other points the answers to prayers we received did not come in the way we would have wanted it.

It's in these moments that force us to pause and wonder how do we explain this thing we call FAITH. FAITH is a unique concept for some to buy into and for others it can be passively spoken about without it really affecting their life.

Faith can be labeled as the urge, nudge, force, stirring, gut decision and it can carry many other labels, but the one thing Faith ALWAYS does is it calls one to life actions.

A. W. Tozer beautifully describes this oddness:

“A real Christian is an odd number anyway. He feels supreme love for one whom he has never seen. He talks familiarly every day to someone he cannot see, expects to go to heaven on the virtue of another, empties himself in order that he might be full, admits he is wrong so he can be declared right, goes down in order to get up. He is strongest when he is weakest, richest when he is poorest, and happiest when he feels worst. He dies so he can live, forsakes in order to have, gives away so he can keep, sees the invisible, hears the inaudible, and knows that which passeth knowledge.”

I agree with Tozer, I'm an odd number! 
For myself and the desire of our family is that our entire life is devoted to Christ. We believe in the Scriptures and what is written about the character of God. We pray & seek answered prayer without audible conversation from God.  And we desire a life focussed on a simple truth that life with Jesus isn't about what we get out of it, but because of who Jesus is.

STOP….LISTEN….REPEAT

What happens when you stop moving?

What happens to your body & mind?
Is there mental & physical disruptions that you are unsure of how to process?  
Do you get frustrated, anxious or annoyed easily?  
Does your mind wander to everything you feel you should be doing?
Do you become agitated at those closest to you and you really do not know why?
Is it hard for you to sit or lie down and be at peace?

I often find that in my life I live at a pace that can consume me if I am not careful.  It can consume my mental, physical & spiritual energies I have to give.  I can become blinded by my own drive to achieve something that I forget that my identity isn't what I do but is already in WHO I AM.

If we observe our world we have forgotten what it means to pause and relax.  In fact even the concept of "down time" for many people, marriages, parents, kids, families, employers, employees is viewed as a weakness.  People only take a break when the world they live in has fallen apart and those closest to them gossip about how they "can't handle the pressure anymore".

I've learned to love Stopping….Listening….and Repeating this pattern.  

I've learned to stop and listen to my wife to hear about her day.  I've learned to stop and listen to the laughter & crazy stories of my sons when they want to talk.  I've learned to stop & listen to the sounds of birds, waves & even footsteps of those around me.  I've found the musical tones in the cadence of our days that help refresh me.  

I enjoy watching the world cry for help and hearing the sound of Jesus speak mercy & grace.  I've learned to listen for God's nudge to act or speak up even when it may be inconvenient for me.  I've learned that silence isn't really silence, but it is peace speaking to my inner being.

I've learned that a day off really should be a day off.  
Vacations are mandatory and not optional. Rest is important. 
Employers who demand a chaotic rhythm for "success" are really out of rhythm themselves.  
Employees who pride themselves on "business" are really vulnerable and insecure.  
Marriages that pursue selfishness don't care about pausing to serve one another.  
Parenting that is manipulative and dictating will never hear the truth of whom their children are.  Families that portray an image that they really only want the outside world to see is often a lie and cries for help.

Sit down and read Matthew 6:25-34.  Observe the text.  Ask yourself if the statements are true of your life right now?  

What happens when you stop moving?

What happens to your body & mind?
Is there mental & physical disruptions that you are unsure of how to process?  
Do you get frustrated, anxious or annoyed easily?  
Does your mind wander to everything you feel you should be doing?
Do you become agitated at those closest to you and you really do not know why?
Is it hard for you to sit or lie down and be at peace?

Years ago I read a book about solitude & sabbath.  The book was Abraham Heschels THE SABBATH.  It is worth the read but more importantly, it is worth the implications for our lives.

Waiting & Acting with Jesus

I posted about waiting on Jesus here.

However when do you stop waiting & start acting?

I believe we are called to act.  One of the greatest opportunities Jesus has given us is choice & and those choices produce action.  The journey of Jonathan in 1 Samuel 14 & David in 1 Samuel 17 inspires me every time I read it! Paul's bold move in Acts 17 is message I would've love to hear in person.

A disciple (a learner or a student) takes what a teacher teaches and then puts those lessons into practice. When we read the scriptures we see clear instructions from Jesus to be active in the world.  Actively loving, sharing the gospel, caring for widows & orphans, actively sharing life with those closest to us so pain & hurts don't overwhelm those around us.  Being a disciple is being someone who lives actively with Jesus (Matthew 22:37-40, 28:16-20).

The waiting period allows us to learn from Jesus and how to be a student.  The waiting period allows our hearts to be transformed to submit to Jesus.  In the waiting period is when we listen to Jesus to speak and when He speaks then we act.  We invite the Holy Spirit to teach us and lead us (John 14:6)

I like acting on what I see Jesus nudging me to do.  I enjoy being able to know that my prayers are being spoken into by the Holy Spirit and that my life has a chance to be used by Jesus to impact others.

However there are times when I got to act on what I believe to be a nudge from Jesus and things don't work out how I think they should.  I make a decision through prayer, through waiting for wisdom and it still seems like I'm wrong…so what gives in those moments?

What gives is we are still living in a broken world and we are still broken people because of sin.  Even in the most humble posture, the most submitted heart, the willingest spirit to honor Jesus….we'll still get some actions wrong.

That's where Christians get frustrated and at times even give up trying to be obedient to Jesus.  The lie is bought that because we pray, listen & practice obedience to Jesus that everything is supposed to go smoothly after that.  We buy the lie that it's only in the disobedient & rash moments of life that things unravel.

With my own personal journey has shown me that in the continual process of waiting for the voice to Jesus to then act, even if my action doesn't pan out the way I thought it would, is a transforming time in my life where I learn to hear the voice of Jesus more than any other voice.  And in the many, many moments where Jesus nudges and I obey with action and it's honoring to Jesus…it's worth it.

Waiting on Jesus

Practicing waiting is not something I enjoy.  I'm not great at waiting for things I really want but my experience with waiting like other aspects of my life has shown me it's often worth it.

For example:

*I can be an impulsive buyer at times but my life experience has shown me that research & thinking through decisions help me stretch my monies.
*I can be reactionary when something sounds "really good" but what sounds really good may really be bad when you peel back a few layers of reality, take the time to peel back a few layers.
*I get frustrated when things do not happen the way I think they should happen.  But i've learned that my pattern of thinking can be blinded and the insight of others is really beneficial for me.

Waiting is not easy.  Our culture and even the pace of life we often live does not value stopping or being motionless very long.  Especially in our digitalized culture when we are forced to wait we get annoyed that the speed of life isn't where we want it to be. 
This New York times article hints at how much of our life is now being lived at the speed of notifications & updates.
NY Times Article
Adam McClane illustrations how the impulse of Notifications in our lives actually create an impulsive  & reactionary lifestyle that is unhealthy.
Adam's Article 

Personally speaking waiting does two things in me physically.  It makes me anxious and it makes my mind wander.  I get antsy wanting to know the answer to my questions.  I get stir crazy at not being able to plan, create or take actions based on the next steps.  
My mind tends to wanders with scenarios, questions, thoughts, concerns, doubts and often they all reflect ways I can take control of my life.
And the tension is If I, as a follower of Jesus, say with my heads and my hearts that my faith is based on Jesus being God himself as Savior and LORD of my life that means all I do is to reflect those beliefs.  That especially means my decisions I give Jesus the room to speak into on his timing.
Jesus as Savior saves me from the destruction my sin will lead me to in life.  
Jesus as LORD speaks into every areas of my life and it is all submitted to Him to honor Him and not myself.

My life experience has shown me that when I wait, but wait diligently while seeking Jesus to speak and move then my obedience to Him as Savior and LORD is really being lived out.
A visual picture I've had for myself is 1 Samuel 13 where Saul acts hastily before the command Samuel had given Saul to wait for his arrival.  This account has been a strong reminder that we have the power of choice in our live and our choices can either reflect an obedience to Jesus or a rash judgement call.

Waiting is not easy.  Waiting on God's timing is challenging.  But it's in the waiting that Jesus transforms my heart, my values and often reveals to me areas of my life that still need transformed by his grace.  Allowing ourselves to be led by Jesus through our lives will require us many times to wait for Jesus to reveal a bigger picture.  I'll be the first in line to say I don't like it and often I try to fight it, but my life experience with Jesus has brought me to the place that I'd rather wait on Jesus and live in close relation to Him then make my own rash decision and live being stubborn to my Savior and LORD.

**Next post I'll write about how in the waiting as Jesus leads and moves me I make decisions to act on what I sense he's doing.

Instructions for a Bad Day

We all have them.  Sometimes one bad day can shape our week, our month and for many even our lives.  Bad Days bring pain, frustration, exhaustion and often a feeling of "What do I do now?"

Many of you may watch this, but I hope all of you watch it with the intent of listening closely to the words.

Don't believe Lies

I often am encouraging students, parents, spouses, friends and even strangers to "Do not buy that lie".  This phrase has implications on several aspects in life depending on the circumstances we are talking about.

• Do not buy the lie that you have to get into Stanford to achieve a great college education
• Do not buy the lie that you have to be popular to be effective.
• Do not buy the lie that being a "man" is about being a jerk or a womanizer
• Do not buy the lie that, "sugar free" is really healthier for you.
• Do not buy the lie that marriage is supposed to be a fairy tale
• Do not buy the lie that to be a Christian means that life is perfectly easy to figure out
• Do not buy the lie that being a size 4 is prettier than a size 12

We as people often but into the lies we see & hear around us when we don't stop and think about what we are encountering.  When we give up that a healthier marriage, more effective parenting or some hard work won't pay off.  If we pursue life with status quo instead of some intentional actions and purpose then we buy the lie that our lives will just exist instead of thrive.

I followed Derrick Coleman's story while he was in college, check out this video that is worth the watch of how one man didn't buy the lie that he couldn't enjoy life the way he wanted to.

Reality Check on Business

I've never really understood why anyone responds to the question of "How are you?" with "Really Busy!" and people like to embrace that.  It's odd.  My observations of my own life of business is stress, chaos, frustration, being annoyed & lack of being fully present with anything.  Our culture has been lured into celebrating business with being important.  Business equals a status many people pursue that to be rich, famous or needed you must be busy.  At every phase of life, any job setting & family dynamic people are going to be busy, but instead of pursuing business what if we pursued healthy relationships and use of our time? 
What if every spouse, parent, pastor, teacher, friend, relative, co-worker, aunt, cousin, neighbor, uncle, child, coach, athlete, actor, anchorman and person should ponder this quote longer than they want & then be a person of action and change how they talk about business.   

Let's celebrate & brag about quantity time moving slower than everyone else to notice & embrace those we care deepest for.  Lets pause to linger longer at the nuances of life, flowers & laughing.  Parents let's praise our kids for saying no to one more after school commitment because they want time to actually be a kid and play with abandonment.  What if we gave high fives to the adults who actually leaves work on time to join friends or family for dinner?