Marriage, Vows & Life

I want to let you know about my marriage. No this isn't a vent on my wife. But it is an honest revelation many of you don't know about.

This summer Kim and I have been married 13 years & we have been around each other for almost 17 years.  For almost 1/2 my life my wife has been a part of it in some way or another. For years I have watched Kim endure something that isn't fair for her.

She suffers from Migraines. Not just your 'really bad headache' but a debilitating type migraine. Where her life shuts down when she gets a migraine. She vomits, she convulses, she feels pain from sound & light. She can't move, she is exhausted and she misses out on everything for days at a time.

I knew about these before we were married. That is a good thing, because if i didn't know about these migraines I don't know how I could care about the marriage. I know that is a loaded statement. I know that is a statement where you may have just judged me. When she gets one of these migraines I become everything. Mom, dad, cook, cleaner, homework guru, taxi cab, etc, etc. You may think, "yeah so?". When she is down for 3-4 days at a time AND I have to complete my job AND take care of her...it becomes very taxing. Try having that happen 1, 2 or even 3 times a month. Take 13 days of your month and be a single parent with a sick spouse in bed and tell me what it does to your stress and sanity level.

I grew up with a single parent, my mom modeled well what it takes to try to effectively live life while managing everything alone.  I believe part of my story growing up that way was preparing me to be the husband I am.

I am glad i knew about Kim's migraines before we were married because it helped make "I DO" a real statement for me. When i was thinking about my vows before our wedding day the part of "in sickness and in health" was a real vow that had to be more than just words for me to say. When kim gets a migraine for me its like saying "I DO" all over again.

Since having our boys it has become a team effort. It has been me helping the boys understand what 'taking care of mom' really means. I pray that my boys see their dad taking care of their mother in a way that challenges them to care for their spouse with compassion and selflessness when they get married.

Often people ask me if I wish Kim didn't get migraines. For Kim's sake of not being in pain & dealing with what she deals with I say Yes. I desperately wish she didn't have to miss out on life the way shes does. However, when she gets a migraine i get to say "I DO" all over again. I am forced to pause my agenda and do a circus juggling act on life. I get to care for my wife so she knows that she is loved and cherished and isn't alone.

I love my wife dearly. Nothing will change that. Nothing could make me stop caring for her as often as I need to as it relates to her migraines or any other sickness. I do long for the day when she doesn’t have to endure these anymore and hope that somehow, someway a medication can relieve her pain. But until then I am just going to keep saying, “I DO” and modeling for my boys what it means to be a selfless spouse.
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