Quicker Than Quick

My kids are 6 & almost 5--my wife and I have been married 8+ years. I have been in full time ministry since 2001 and around youth ministry since 1999.

I have begun to really analyze (as i have contemplated often) the effectiveness of myself in this world. Self evaluation is hard cause it forces to ask honest questions and search for real responses about yourself. It can be scary or it can be encouraging but either way i have been hit in the face with a major factor.

My time as a influencer on people goes faster than I realize. I want to be able to encourage my wife to love Jesus & to be the most incredible person she can. I want to lead my boys in a life of integrity and to love Jesus--to be a gift to society to impact their world when they can.
I desire to be a follower of Jesus who challenges and encourages teenagers to think about life, think about others & think about what it means to live out their faith.

I want all these things, but how am i doing?

That seems to be the constant thought in and around my life right now. I want to be the best i can, but am i really being effective?

I fall back to the thought that if God is first, my focus is on who Christ is, his teachings and what they are doing in me then what flows out of me will be effective. But then i wonder if what is going on inside of me is being directed by God's Spirit?

I long for my time here on this earth to be full of influence and challenging to those around me. I am wrestling with this but also enjoying the fact that as i have been thinking about all this--my actions, words and decisions have been under a microscope by myself and have enjoyed really thinking about the 'bigger picture' in all this.