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Who I amReside in St. Louis Missouri currently, Lived in California & Colorado.Husband.Father.Pastor.Football Enthusiast.Teacher.Learner.Dreamer.Reader.Friend. [thoughts & comments blogged here are my reflections living life trusting Jesus as God]

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

When your heart aches

You know those days when you look in the mirror and you don't like the person you see. Or how about when you hear yourself talking and you don't like what you hear yourself saying?

Today was one of those days.

I have not been enjoying the person i have been over the past few weeks. The move, stress of not being able to sell the old house, finances, Cody starting school, my sisters wedding, the remodel, trying to kick off the fall well for the student ministry and my list can go on. I have not been the husband or father i want to or need to be. Today I had to come to a point of either letting go or breaking....

I dislike myself when I close off to people and focus on myself. I dislike when I try to manipulate how things should go instead of listening to God's voice of where He is guiding me. I dislike when I hurt the people closest to me.

So today I stopped trying to be in control and am going to let God's voice be louder than mine.
I want my heart to be in love with Christ so my life reacts with deep love from my heart (1 Peter 1:22-23). I wanna leave the frustrations, pains & worries in God's hands and let His Spirit guide me and my family as to what direction we need to take.

The funny thing is, how do you know when God's voice is speaking? I always wonder this question in moments like these. What I come back to is, "When my soul feels overwhelmed with a sense of love, peace, hope and excitement then I trust that to be God. When what I am sensing is confirmed in Scriptures then I trust it to be God."

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