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Who I amReside in St. Louis Missouri currently, Lived in California & Colorado.Husband.Father.Pastor.Football Enthusiast.Teacher.Learner.Dreamer.Reader.Friend. [thoughts & comments blogged here are my reflections living life trusting Jesus as God]

Thursday, April 26, 2007

A little bummed out...

So i recently sent in two articles for RELEVANT MAGAZINE to see if they would be put in their online edition or in the published magazine. The comment was "we really like the works but at this time have enough content for our needs"...

So here is one of the works i did...

HEAR MY CRY

“Are you going to get up or am I?”

If you have had or currently have infants you know this statement all to well. It seems like the little BOSE systems of unstoppable poo & noise know exactly when you are sleeping the most soundly & their alarm goes off.

I remember tricks like trying to use the pacifier to get “just a little more time” before I actually had to get up. I never found it humorous that my tricks never did work, well at least for the length of time I wanted it to work for.

One day our first born was crying around 7am. It was a Saturday morning. The Friday night prior we were up late watching a movie and we were both just wiped. My wife was out. I don’t think an earthquake would’ve wakened her. I rolled out of bed, staggered to his room, picked him up only to find a readjusted diaper, a wet blanket & the smell of a locker room in the air. I caressed his head, picked him up & cradled him over to the changing table. I proceeded to move accordingly as I had a fool proof system. Stick the pacifier in his mouth, removed diaper & quickly wipe & add new diaper all in one motion as the air sensitivity to release the water seal in his plumbing system would always spark a fountain of fluid that was never dodgable.

I wrapped him in a new blanket; meandered downstairs and sat in “the chair” with him, his milk & a glass for me (I prefer the bovine kind).

It is in that moment that I felt more alive than ever before. I hold in my arms life. Every breath although faint & quiet, every movement, every noise & every shared look of interest screamed quietly—I AM ALIVE!

It is funny it all started with a cry.

His cry declared to the world I am still alive after a night of sleep. His cry said he needed some help. His cry said life was uncomfortable at the moment. His cry begged for comfort & relief from his current situation. His cry was what got my attention.

What about our cries. What do they communicate?
Fear of what will happen next. Pain of loosing something or someone dear to us. Frustration about our situation in life. Heartache over a misunderstanding. Relief from the uncertainty. Agony because we don’t get it.

I know my list can go on & a lot of the times I don’t like it. Who likes walking out of a bathroom; face flushed & bright red from scrubbing water on it to make it look like you were just washing your face. Who actually thinks they can fool anyone on that? Or the bloodshot eyes, bulging bags under the eyes & the ever flowing nose of mucus & snot identifiable by the crusty residue on sleeves.

It brings me to this question; I wonder why we have this unique ability to cry?
For some of us our cries our filled with tears, for others our cries are filled with screams. For some of us our cries are never heard because they are buried deep within our souls covered by scars that seem like they may never properly heal.

So in all of our life moments that we bear ache & pain and cry out for relief does anyone really care? Does anyone really want our cries to stop?

You say well yes my friends or family do. But do they? They may listen, give you a shoulder to lean on, a Kleenex to blow on or a hug to comfort you but does it really matter to them? Do they really care about the deep turmoil you are really in?

And does it really matter to you when people around you cry, do you really care? Do you really want them to not go through what they are going through?

You say yes?

Ok so the woman who is crying because she confessed to her husband she has been cheating on him & he wants to leave her. You really don’t want her to be crying & in heartache.

The mother who is crying over the still born birth of her child when she knowingly was using meth & other narcotics during pregnancy? You really care about her feelings?

The absentee father who is weeping over a letter from his kids who tell him they don’t want him in their lives. You care about his feelings after what he had done?

Or the inmate on death row for murder & rape. You care about his feelings right now?

Or is your mindset, “they got what was coming to them! They are getting what they deserve. Reap what you sow!”
I find it is funny how context of situations can change our perceptions of our feelings.
I also find it scary how when our internal feelings construct our responses of remorse, empathy & care for the people around us.

But regardless of situation there are still tears, pain & screams for help. So it begs the question, “does anyone really care?”
Generic church answer, YES Jesus love me this I know, for the Bible tells me so.

Well how come we see so much continual pain & cries for help with no help in sight? How is it God can sit back, hear “his children’s” cry for help & not intervene?

These questions sometimes haunt the deepest part of our soul. The parts that for some reason our faith does not fill.

I love reading the psalms. I love reading the poetic feelings of David & how they match our daily wrestling with life.
Psalm 28:1-2, “Lord I call to You: my rock, do not be deaf to me. If you remain silent to me, I will be like those going down to the Pit. Listen to the sound of my pleading when I cry to You for help, when I lift up my hands toward Your holy sanctuary.”

Sounds like a cry for help to me. Sounds like moments I have uttered before. Desperately wanting God to answer me to give me some resolve for this life I am going through. But still doesn’t really give me an answer to does anyone care?

Take a look at Psalm 28:8, “The LORD is the strength of His people; He is a stronghold of salvation for His anointed.”

Life as we know it is tough, painful, and full of cries. But what we see through the entire Bible is this, God wanting to be the strength in your life to get you through the cries. We can never escape the pain of sin & what it causes in our life. But we are able to look at life through a different set of eyes. God looks down on us & says I Love You. In this situation I want to be there for you. I hear your cry, but do you hear my voice? Christ himself invited people to build their lives on a new way for life (Luke 6:42-46), to take a new understanding of God’s love for us in our lives (Matthew 11:28-30).

As my son still looks up at me in times of joy & pain I look at his tears & am reminded of what God sees when he looks at me, a child that is loved & cherished no matter what they are going through.

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