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Who I amReside in St. Louis Missouri currently, Lived in California & Colorado.Husband.Father.Pastor.Football Enthusiast.Teacher.Learner.Dreamer.Reader.Friend. [thoughts & comments blogged here are my reflections living life trusting Jesus as God]

Friday, October 27, 2006


I have been "pondering" life lately. Something very normal for me. I enjoy the subtleties of life as well as the monumentum events as well. I guess for me what i truly enjoy is being surprised. Being surprised that my son can spell "stop". Surprised that my wife knew what i was thinking before i said it. Surprised that my starbucks was made "just right".

So when life surprises me & i don't enjoy it what do i do then? What happens when the surprise actually makes me sick to my stomach with pain? What do i do when the surprise causes me to question the nearness of God? What do i do when the surprise angers me?

I believe it is in these moments where we are the closest to God's heart. We are able to enter into a place of complete & unrational emotion that allows our heart to speak freely to Christ. We get to have our "ritualistic" forms of talking with God challenged because we don't want formality, we want things to be resolved.

God has never been impressed with a fine tuned spiritual theory or ritual. So why do we create them? Church on sunday, prayer meetings, worship settings & song choices. The list seems endless sometimes. I believe in moments where we are most off our guard & the most most emotional raw is the best place to commune with God. We are able to freely have our focus on him. Not on how we are "doing" things, but completely on him.

I guess my ponderings have left a bitterness in my about the state of church, christianity as well as me. How is it that theories & formalities can overtake our hearts natural EDEN craving; to be near God?

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